Have you ever had a hole-in-one? If not, the odds of ever getting one are not in your favor.

Trust me, I know.

The closest thing I’ve had to a hole-in-one is the day I had to throw out my favorite pair of socks because ….

Wait for it …

I had a hole in one.

Sorry. I’ll show myself out at the end of the article.

We can argue the merits of the “official” hole-in-one requirements (which we have done), but I don’t care what the circumstances are. If you hit the ball from a tee box and it goes in the freaking hole, it’s a freaking hole-in-one. After a mulligan? It counts. Hit your first OB? It counts. Playing a handful of holes after work? It counts. Anything this side of miniature golf counts.

What you put on your scorecard is up to you and your conscience. Unless I’m paying money to watch you play, I’ll mind my own business, thank you very much.

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled programming…

For every hole-in-one, there’s a hole-in-one story to go with it. Hole out from 130 yards on an approach shot and you get some smiles and kudos but that’s about it. Do the same thing from the tee on a par-3 and you have a story you can tell for the rest of your life.

Like most stories, they often get wilder with the retelling.

“So you’re saying there’s a chance …”

Every 18-hole golf course has four, sometimes five, par-3 holes so, theoretically, there is a chance every time you tee it up. For the average golfer, those chances are 12,000 to one. If you’re a low single-digit handicapper, your chances are better at around 5,000 to one.

However, if you’re playing with someone who gets a hole-in-one, don’t bet the rent money on getting one yourself. The odds of that happening are around 17 million to one.

Still, we golfers remain Lloyd Christmas-level optimists.

For Joe Lahiff, a communications executive with Verizon, his 12,000-to-one shot came at the Palmer course at Saddlebrook, outside of Tampa, Fla.

“It was March 10, 2018,” says Joe. “I hadn’t even swung a club since the previous October. I was with a gang of about 20 duffers and my good fortune happened on the second hole, a 168-yard par-3 with tall marsh grass between me and the pin.”

Hole-in-one golfers have this annoying habit of remembering everything in vivid detail.

“I used a 7-wood to get there because I knew I could hit it straighter than any iron. The shot felt good but I couldn’t see it land because of the marsh grass. One of my partners said it might have gone in. I said I hoped not because a round of drinks for 20 guys was going to cost big bucks.

“I searched all around the back of the green for the ball, thinking I’d hit it over. One of my partners checked the hole. Voila!”

Six years have passed since that fateful day and Joe still brings it up every time we play.

“I won a freaking necktie”

We’ve met Rod Fritz on these pages before. For Rod, breaking 100 is breaking news, but he has a hole-in-one on his golfing resume.

“It was 1991 and I was playing in a tournament with my agent and two friends at the Scituate Country Club,” says Rod. “It’s a nine-hole course, so we played it twice. It was a 151-yard par-3 and I hit my 7-iron. I thought it was over the green because it disappeared after landing.

“My friend yelled, ‘NO, IT’S IN THE HOLE!!’ I laughed and said he needed glasses.”

Once the foursome reached the green, Rod’s friend ran to the hole, ran back to the cart, picked Rod up and carried him back to the hole, yelling, “HOLE IN ONE! HOLE IN ONE!”

“One other thing,” says Rod. “Lots of tournaments have prizes for a hole-in-one, like a car or a trip or something special.

“I won a freaking necktie.”

Somehow, that makes the story even better.

Witness to greatness

For every golfer who nails a hole-in-one, three others get to witness it. Even they have stories.

“November 19, 2016, was a cold, gray day at the 27-hole Granite Links in Milton, Mass,” says Jon Hall, a TV news reporter and natural-born storyteller from Boston. “I was playing the sixth hole on the Milton Nine with two buddies.

“It was playing 164 yards that day and one buddy and I both hit 6-irons and we were both a touch short. My friend Joe, a Boston dentist and big-game hunter, announced you always need an extra club on the Milton Nine and he was right.

“He hit a beautiful 5-iron that landed just beyond the pin on a sloped green. As he bent over to pick up his tee, I saw the ball rolling back toward the cup. I yelled, ‘Joe! Look up, look up!’ He did, just in time to see his second career hole-in-one.”

Mike Clendenin, a retired PR executive from New York, has witnessed two.

“The first was at Cherry Creek Links in Riverhead, New York, while matched up with strangers I didn’t know. The second was with some Con Edison co-workers in Westchester. I whooped it up with the guys and got a free meal and drink at the 19th hole. I felt like the guy playing slots and watching the person next to me win the million-dollar jackpot.”

The worst kind of hole-in-one

You’ve also met my cousin Paul on these pages before. Along with being my arch-rival on the golf course, he is also the proud owner of two holes-in-one.

The rat bastard.

“The unique thing about them is they were both in South Carolina on the 12th hole of the respective courses and both happened within two weeks of each other in 1997.

“The first was at the Country Club of South Carolina in Florence where I was working on a temporary assignment. Me and a work buddy snuck out early to go play. The 12th was 160 yards and I hit a 7-iron. Got the hole-in-one but couldn’t tell anyone or I’d get in trouble for leaving work.”

Paul’s second hole-in-one came two weeks later at the Heathland course at the Legends in Myrtle Beach.

“I hit an 8-iron that caught a side hill, got a nice bounce and rolled about 20 feet into the cup. I was playing with my very competitive twin brother Peter who enjoyed telling the very full clubhouse that I got a hole-in-one and that the drinks were on me.

“That one hurt.”

Peter was always my favorite.

Hole-in-one facts and figures

Did you know there’s a National Hole-In-One Registry?  If you want data, it’s the place to go.

For example, more than 500 million rounds of golf are played each year in the U.S., with each course averaging around 25,000 to 30,000 rounds annually. With those numbers, each course reports, on average, 10 to 15 holes in one a year.

If you’re 50 to 59 years old, you’re most likely to make a hole-in-one. About 25 percent are made by that age group annually. The next most likely group is the 40- to 49-year-olds. Women make 16 percent of the holes-in-one every year. Their average age is 55.

The average hole length for a hole-in-one is 147 yards and the most common club used is an 8-iron. Only seven percent are made with a pitching wedge and only four percent are made with a 4-iron.

If you get a hole-in-one during a round, don’t get greedy. The odds of making two in one round are 67 million to one. However, Greg Shaughnessy did just that on Aug. 27, 2016. He aced the fifth and 10th holes that day at the Rockville Link Golf Club in New York.

If you are lucky enough to make a hole-in-one, make sure to register it. Also, make sure to notify the ball and club brand you used. All OEMs have a recognition policy. Srixon-Cleveland-XXIO, for example, will generate a certificate, a congratulatory letter and a special hole-in-one bag tag.

Callaway will create a plaque, while PING and Bridgestone will send a certificate.

About that hole-in-one bar tab thing …

As happy as I was to hear my rat-bastard cousin had to fork over several hundred bucks, is it really fair to have to buy drinks for the entire bar if you do manage a hole-in-one?

Speaking as a hole-in-one virgin, I say absolutely. However, I reserve the right to change my mind when/if I ever get one.

Rod’s hole-in-one came at an inopportune time.

“I didn’t want everyone to know I got the hole-in-one because I’d just been laid off. I gave my credit card to the bartender and said if anyone wants a drink off the hole-in-one guy to put it on my tab. Luckily, not many did. But it still cost me a hundred bucks.”

He did, however, get that necktie.

A random golfer I was paired with last weekend told me that one of his three holes-in-one came in a big member-guest charity tournament. The ace also won the progressive skins challenge, netting him $5,000. There was no escaping the bar tab nor the peer pressure coming from all cash-prize winners donating their prize money to the charity.

“I just about broke even,” he told me.

Close, but still pin-hunting

Ben Hogan perhaps said it best about holes-in-one:

“If you hit it within two feet of the cup, it’s a great shot. If it goes in, it’s pure luck.”

I have not been lucky.

Oh, I’ve come close, like within a foot, more times than I can count. The most recent close call, and the impetus for this article, came three weeks ago at the par-3 14th hole at Breakfast Hill in Greenland, N.H. The black tees were up a little and the hole was cut in the front of a steeply back-to-front sloped green. I lasered it at 118 yards, which was a choked-down 48-degree wedge. It looked good from the start, drawing ever so slightly toward the pin.  My playing partner shouted the words any hole-in-one virgin longs to hear:

“That’s right on it!”

It was. The ball, a Bridgestone Tour B XS, landed two feet to the right of the pin and bounced two feet to the left. This was it!

No, it wasn’t.

It also hopped about nine inches forward. As Maxwell Smart used to say, “Missed it by that much.”

The sand may be sifting through my hole-in-one hourglass but the data offers some hope.  After all, 15 percent of all holes-in-one are made by golfers over the age of 60.

So you’re saying there’s a chance…

Your turn …

We want to hear your hole-in-one story. Whether you made one, nearly made one or have witnessed one, share it below. Let’s have some fun with this one.

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